Charming Confusion....

I poke your side as I slip passed. It's what I do, you know. I play. I poke. I am who I am. I can't change that.

It's dark out. It has been raining too. I played in the rain. You stayed inside with the others. I'm only seventeen, you know. You do know. I am only seventeen, and I am playing in the rain with my shoes off, my hair down.

I like the rain.

We danced. We danced, and we laughed, making faces like children. You held me closer than I would usually stand as we dance. You wouldn't let me move away very much. Only when I pulled my hands free to do something did you let go.

You were clumsy. You couldn't get your hands right. Grabbing the wrong hands or throwing off the dance somehow.

The dancing stopped.

Everyone moved off to go to sleep or to talk with others in clusters both in and out. And we talked a bit before you said that you were going to go.

I gathered my things and took them back to the cabin I shared with other girls. You stayed and talked before you were leaving.

I came back and joined a different cluster with a few I knew and a few I didn't. We talked, but you called one of them away to tell a story. I followed to see if it was one that I hadn't heard before.

I stood near you as not to be hit or walked over. It wasn't planned. You were just there when I moved out of the way. I didn't move. I didn't care. I was there to hear a story.

It was one that I had heard before, but it was a good one, a funny one. I stayed and listened. Then to a few more.

You said once again that you were leaving. You asked if you could have a hug and I let you. A hug is a hug. It never hurt anyone.

You were talking and bidding others goodbye as I slipped in to an empty room. I turned around and returned to the outside. You were still there amoungst the others.

I poke your side as I slip passed. It's what I do, you know.

I kept walking after. I didn't stop.

I heard you move away from the others. I heard their words. I took off running, smiling as I ran. I like to play sometimes. There is a child inside all of us occasionally.

I had to stop soon. I had no shoes on. I was about to end up in the gravel and hurt my feet.

I slowed down, but I didn't stop. I was going to keep going, just carefully.

But as I slowed, you caught up. I had spoken my thoughts on falling aloud and you spoke words in return. I didn't stop. I had just passed a tree and was near the end of the grass.

You grabbed me.

You grabbed me loosely, gently by my waist and pulled me back, between you and the tree. As you pulled me back, you turned me toward you.

I looked up, and for a split second our eyes locked.

You poked me.

I poked you back and slipped away, going to my cabin to sleep.

It is what you did.

You grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back slowly as if I had your heart and your love. As if we were together. As if you were trying to keep me from leaving because you didn't want to let me go. As if you truely did loved me....

You can't love me because you have only just met me, but that gesture...

My mind is muddled. That one gesture has sent me straight into a confused and muddled mess because no one does things like that with me. No one holds me like that.

Just think what could have happened if you had kissed me...

I need a sign. I need a solution. This is just going to eat at me until I spontaneously combust. I don't like getting like this. I DON'T get like this. It just doesn't happen.

Now I have a nervous leg bouncy thing. I don't bounce my leg, and now I am because of the fact that I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. My head wants to explode, implode, and disappear all at the same time.

Help me....