Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today has just been one of those days.

One of those BAD days.

I set my alarm for 7 am. It went off. I turned it off....and went back to sleep. Woke up at like 7:35, and I have an 8 o'clock class Monday through Friday. So I get up and hurry to get dressed. I manage to leave on time.

I go to Sociology, and that is okay.

I come back to my dorm and get on the computer for a little bit before I leave to get my check.

I stand around there, waiting. I finally get my check and leave. One good thing is that my check was a little more than I expected.

So I go through all of that crap and come back to campus.

I go eat when I get back and go back to the dorm building to play pool until I have to leave for my 2 o'clock class.

By this time, I was feeling down. It was just another thing to add to the pile. So I start to complain about things, one thing mainly but anyway.

On the way to my Japanese class (my 2 o'clock class), I feel pretty down right now, and I state that I am going to be an emo kid in Japanese class today. -Not even the cute little pictures in my Japanese book made me feel better.

Just before class starts, I make plans with Joel to go for a walk at about 4:30.

I now have something good to look forward to thus the world is good again.

After Japanese class, I head to the dorm to get my shoes before going to Tom's dorm. He had super glue, and he was letting me use it to fix my shoes.

So there I fix my shoes and hang out with Tom, Becca, Laura, Tom's roommate #1, Tom's roommate #2, Tom's roommate #3, Tom's friend, and JP. We are just kind of hanging out.

I get a call from mom telling me that the insurance cards were there and that I could come get them later. --I never did post about getting pulled over for my tail light being out and getting a ticket for my insurance card not being for that car.--

I get a text from Joel. He wasn't done yet. It was taking longer than expected.

So I sit around until 5. Then I go eat.

So on the way out, Joel sends me a text saying that he has to go get Jackson -his son. Which meant that he was leaving for White Pine -his parents' house.

Thus all plans are cancelled, and my day returns to normal order of being horrible.

I leave campus and go to mom's.

I don't even get into the house before she is on the porch.

She has something to tell me.

My cat had been hit by a car.

Sally was my baby, and I love her so much.

She is gone.

So. I sit around there and try to stop crying. -Note: I have started crying once again because I typed that which means that I thought about it which hurts all that much more.-

I get in a fight with mom before I leave.

Thus I am here, in front of my computer, writing this blog.

For no one else will listen to me.

And I don't want to bother Joel. He should be spending time with his son and not having to deal with me and my problems.

xoxo
M.M.

P.S.
Shoot me. Please.

Sigh.

I am tired.

I have made it through the first two first days of class. I am a bit tired, and I am still in that "I don't want to do homework" mode. That mode will pass soon enough. I have to do my homework here.

I am so very lonely too.

I miss my man (Hehe. I said 'my man'. Okay. I'm over it.). I haven't talked with him much. I have sent him texts, and he has sent me a few in return. But I haven't talked to him over the phone, and I haven't seen him. I miss him. I wish I could go do something with him. I just want to spend time with him.

It kind of hurts sometimes. In general. Just hurts.

Sometimes a lot. Sometimes a little.

It hurts sometimes with how things are between me and him. I really hope they get better soon.

x.x

I think the darkness may win.

xoxo
M.M.

Registration

I have to register for classes today. At 1.

I need to find out where to get my parking permit...

I need to do a lot of things. And I need to find some money because I am like uber broke.

I will make it with what I have though. I will not ask for money from anyone. I will survive just fine.

Birthday Review

I had a good birthday, surprisingly enough. Even though my exhaust hated me all weekend, I had a good birthday.

I would have atleast posted that yesterday or Saturday, but I didn't get back on campus until yesterday, and I didn't get on the computer but for a few minutes, if even.

I feel no different. I don't really care. I just wish that I could make things better for someone. Not even myself, and that is my usual goal. I don't like seeing someone I care so much about suffer and hurt. It isn't right. It isn't deserved. I would take that pain and suffering away if I could, and I would bear it myself if it would help.

Dorm 1

Dorm 1
Originally uploaded by Missy Mao

Dorm 2

Dorm 2
Originally uploaded by Missy Mao

Dorm 3

Dorm 3
Originally uploaded by Missy Mao

I moved into my dorm yesterday. And instead of just leaving everything everywhere like I felt like doing, I acutally unpacked a bit and organized a little.

Well.

I survived the move-in. Only by a little though. I was exhausted and overheated moving all of that stuff.

I have officially played the game of fight a war with the network to get internet. I won. Thank you. No need for applause. ^.~

So. I am sitting here right now. In my room. On the internet. Yay internet!

My Birthday

Birthdays are traditionally celebrated. Friends and family are invited to a party, or they throw a surprise party for the birthday boy or girl. Birthdays are traditionally days that people look forward to and are excited about.

My birthday has always been a bad day. For as long as I can remember.

My birthday is on August 25th. My sister's birthday is on the 24th. And my brother's the 26th.

I am the oldest, and my birthday is in the middle.

You would think that it would be easy to remember seeing as it is smacked right between my sister's and brother's, but my own mother has forgotten my birthday before. She will not admit it, but it did happen.

My birthday is always forgotten. You would think I would be use to having friends who don't remember my birthday but expect me to remember theirs. I'm not.

Anyone that I have ever had a relationship with has not been able to remember my birthday.

You would think the sting of a forgotten birthday would lessen.

It doesn't.

It only seems to get worse as time passes. As more people forget. As more milestone birthdays are forgotten and/or turn out to be horrible days.

I am turning 18 on Saturday. I have managed to get myself hyped up for this day despite all of this. I have made plans in my head that won't happen.

I was looking forward to this until I was given a reminder that no one ever remembers my birthday.

I am kind of over birthdays. Just a little.

What are they but a way to remind you that you are getting older. That you don't have friends. That people don't care enough about you to celebrate such a day with you.

So happy almost 'you-are-getting-older-and-you-have-no-one-around-you-that-cares-a-whole-hell-of-a-lot-about-you-to-remember-this-notoriously-bad-day-and-try-to-make-it-better'-day to me.

Definition of "birthday"

According to Merriam-Webster Online dictionary:

Main Entry: birth·day
Pronunciation: 'b&rth-"dA
Function: noun1 a : the day of a person's birth b : a day of origin
2 : an anniversary of a birth

Looming

My birthday is nearing. Only a few days away.

I feel the need to rant because I have now managed to get myself hyped up about a day that is going to be no where near what I want, hope for, or see in my mind. It is, after all, my eighteenth birthday. That is supposed to be a big deal or something.

Standard

I drove my car! Yay! I didn't stall it like I did earlier. I am going to get this. I don't really have a choice.

In other news. I have officially decided that my body is revolting.

I am on birth control to help with the cramps that make me want to not get out of bed, cry, scream, curl up in a ball in the floor, go back to sleep, that won't let me sleep, or D) All of the above.
So. I am taking them like I am supposed to. Always right around the same time (give or take a little because sometimes I am in the middle of something and can't get to them). They are supposed to regulate my period. But there in lies the part my body isn't quite kosher with.

I am on my period now. Started yesterday. I'm a week early. Yay! Someone shoot me. It better not last during my birthday or I will be utterly pissed off. Because it isn't fair to make me have to do orientation on my birthday already. But adding my period onto that list just pisses me off.

SOS

I stalled my car so many times..I got so frustrated with it. I wanted to cry.

I have to get this down. Or I am fucked. I have to be able to drive this car. I don't want to get hit because I stalled the car and someone hits me. Not ideal. Especially before my birthday.

Sigh.

Sad face.

Sigh.

The World will now end. Thank you all for coming! Have a great day!

I woke up before.....7 am! Gasp. The Horror!!

Oh wait.

That is when I need to get up, by or before 7.

Because you know. Getting to class on time is a good thing on occasion like all the time.

And since I completely move into my dorm on Wednesday, it is about fucking time I started getting up when I need to.

Shamelessly Stolen

A Victorian parlor game. Care to try?

Your favorite virtue: Intuition
Your favorite virtue in others: Understanding
Your chief characteristic: Independence
Your idea of happiness: Kissing in the rain.
Your idea of misery: Living forever in this darkness eating at my soul.
The vice you excuse most: Stubbornness
The vice you detest most: Infidelity
Your aversion: Conflict
Your favorite occupation: Loving and being loved.
Your favorite poet: Sylvia Plath
Your favorite prose writer: Charlotte Perkins Gilman - The Yellow Wallpaper
Your favorite hero: Any man that has the patience and understanding to love me for who I am.
Your favorite heroine: Sigrid "the Haughty"
Your favorite flower: Dahlia
Your favorite color: Purple
Your favorite name: Corrina
Your favorite dish: Homemade Mashed Potatoes
Your favorite maxim: When you say, "I love you", mean it.
Your favorite motto: Kiss me and you will see how important I am. -Sylvia Plath


Something kind of sad is that I actually thought on these for hours trying to find the right answers. It makes me kind of sad. Not a lot though. At least they are pretty damn close to being correct. (Presently they are correct, but things could change when I get some sleep. ^.^;;)

----Shamelessly Stolen from Thirteen Letters.----

---Oh. If you see this..Hi, Joel! ^.^---

Roommate.

So. I am going to be meeting the girl that I am going to be living with for the next year on Thursday at 3 pm. She is an international student from Japan.

I just hope that we can get along on some level. While roommate wars could be fun, I would end up more exhausted than I have a feeling I am going to be with school, work, and work study. Yay no life.

Constant Struggle

Everyday is a struggle to me.

I wake up wondering how I am going to feel today, what kind of day is today going to be, am I going to feel like I am alone like I do a lot.

I never know.

It gets harder.

Some days are easier, yes, but it just seems to get harder.

I don't ask for help.

When I needed help before, it wasn't there. I fight my own battles now. I don't seek out help. I don't seek out comfort, but I don't fight it when it is offered and I want it. I don't seek out anything.

I feel so alone right now...

Fleeting

That happiness was fleeting.

I am now sad, lonely, and confused about several things.

Sometimes I wish someone could just tell me exactly what to do to be happy. Tell me a guaranteed plan for happiness. Because then I wouldn't have to hurt like this.