I haven't really posted much lately. Haven't really had the time or the energy to put everything into words somewhere. And I only feel like voicing one thing now.
A friend of mine has asked me to be a model for her photographs. I've never really done that before. Not really. Not much. It made me feel good when she asked.
Thank you, Krista.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Clinging
Clinging.
That is precisely all I am doing.
I cling to the small things. To moments.
I live for the small things and moments for they are all I have.
Moments...Feelings...Small things...
The feeling of a laugh on a day that just makes you want to sit down and cry because you just can't do it anymore.
The feeling of slipping into a different world and forgetting all about your world.
The low, dull pang that comes when something you didn't know was there is sqashed before your eyes.
The fact that your world enters the different world when moments like that happen.
Finding something that just makes you smile when all you can do is frown.
The feeling of responsibility when all you want to do is quit.
Wanting to wrap your arms around someone else to make them feel better when all you want is someone to wrap their arms around you and let you cry.
Wanting so badly to be someone that you aren't.
Wanting to be in a position you have no right to be in because you aren't wanted there.
Going back to your old addiction to get away from your new one.
Not slipping back to the days when cold steel was your friend and your release.
Doing something or not doing something so that you simply aren't following down the dark path already traveled before you came along.
Realizing that the only moments, small things, and feelings that you have to cling to aren't happy ones....
That is precisely all I am doing.
I cling to the small things. To moments.
I live for the small things and moments for they are all I have.
Moments...Feelings...Small things...
The feeling of a laugh on a day that just makes you want to sit down and cry because you just can't do it anymore.
The feeling of slipping into a different world and forgetting all about your world.
The low, dull pang that comes when something you didn't know was there is sqashed before your eyes.
The fact that your world enters the different world when moments like that happen.
Finding something that just makes you smile when all you can do is frown.
The feeling of responsibility when all you want to do is quit.
Wanting to wrap your arms around someone else to make them feel better when all you want is someone to wrap their arms around you and let you cry.
Wanting so badly to be someone that you aren't.
Wanting to be in a position you have no right to be in because you aren't wanted there.
Going back to your old addiction to get away from your new one.
Not slipping back to the days when cold steel was your friend and your release.
Doing something or not doing something so that you simply aren't following down the dark path already traveled before you came along.
Realizing that the only moments, small things, and feelings that you have to cling to aren't happy ones....
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Hrmph.
Okay. So I have a few things that I want to say.
First of all...
I am tired of trying. If you don't like it, eat me. I don't care. All trying does is end up with me crying and miserable.
Second of all...
I am over happy couples. They make me quite unhappy since I don't have that, have never had that, and never will have that.
Stop being happy and couple-y, okay? Got it?
Good.
Good day.
First of all...
I am tired of trying. If you don't like it, eat me. I don't care. All trying does is end up with me crying and miserable.
Second of all...
I am over happy couples. They make me quite unhappy since I don't have that, have never had that, and never will have that.
Stop being happy and couple-y, okay? Got it?
Good.
Good day.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Changes
I made a few changes over the weekend. They really only cosmetic, but they made me feel a little better about myself.
They are only the beginning though. I am working on it.
And as time goes on, I am going to be thinking about whether or not I am going to keep posting in this blog. I will not delete it, but I may stop posting in it.
They are only the beginning though. I am working on it.
And as time goes on, I am going to be thinking about whether or not I am going to keep posting in this blog. I will not delete it, but I may stop posting in it.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Less, More, and Un
Note: Yes. This blog comes with a warning of sorts. A caution, if you will. I realize that this may cause a not so good reaction. I may be contacted for it. But I have to say it because it will just eat at me if I don't.
I have never felt less important, more used, and more un-pretty than I did at one point yesterday.
No one's fault but my own, really. Always my own.
This too shall pass into the depths of my mind. Never leaves, just fades to the background to become yet another component of who I am. Why change that? Why change the patterns of life as I know them?
I have never felt less important, more used, and more un-pretty than I did at one point yesterday.
No one's fault but my own, really. Always my own.
This too shall pass into the depths of my mind. Never leaves, just fades to the background to become yet another component of who I am. Why change that? Why change the patterns of life as I know them?
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