Headache

My head hurts. My eyes are sore from crying. And I am thoroughly pissed off...

I was fired from my job today...For something that I did not do.

If I had known Saturday that I was going to be fired today, I would have done it, but I didn't. So I drove all the way to work to be told that I didn't have a job. Fuckers. Let me waste my gas and drive up there to be told that I don't have a job. You little bastards. You have my phone number. Call my phone and tell me. Don't make me waste my gas.

The Path Most Discouraged

Had lunch with my grandma. Told her that I am studying Art.

I love her to death. She is wonderful and sweet.

But I don't think she wants me to study Art.

Had that lovely 'what are you going to do with your life' conversation. You need to study something that will help you get a job. What are you going to do with that? I'm not trying to push you into something that you don't like, but...

I like to take photos. Even if I am not great at it, or even good. I like to do it. Why can't the people that are supposed to love me and care for me support me in what I want to do?

A Dull Ringing

The silence is a dull ringing.

The loneliness is a dull pang.

And the tears are hollow and ever flowing.


At least that is how it feels.

I still get up and go though. With the emptiness and the loneliness.

Neither of them will go away. Because very few people at all seem to want me around, and I am tired of fighting that feeling.

My tears are a silent and private matter. For no one should have to share that burden.

So thank you, you know who you are, for keeping me in line and in my place.

Once more....With feeling....

You know...That saying has never been prefaced with what feeling....

Welcome to the end of my rope.....I can't really keep going like this....

I hope for what I can't and will never have.....I care for what cares not for me.....I would do anything and only have the favor returned by being tossed aside, ignored, and unloved....

Welcome to the end of my rope....Sadly....I will only keep going....

Them's the rules..."

...And that's how we play it."


You can take your age difference and shove it.

I have done nothing to warrant you taking what others have done to you out on me.

You can take your one sided rules and your lack of ability to care for anyone other than yourself and find someone willing to sit silently and take it. You lost that in me in October.

As the hours pass, memories do not fade

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my father's death.

I am neither happy nor sad. I am not angry or disappointed. I am.

I shed my tears over my father last year. Not over his death. But over the fact that he was not the man or father that he should have been.

I am worried, though, about how things will be around the house. For my sister and brother were still rather attached to the abusive man that was our father. And that man left behind quite a mess for my mother to deal with. Financially. It is a problem.

I feel as though I am the one that is supposed to fix everything. But I just don't know how...

Soon

Soon, I think.

Soon I think that this will not be where my attentions predominately lie.

When that time comes, I will tell you.

But if you wish to find me, you will have to look. Which will, truly, not be hard.

My location will be hidden on this page somewhere.

Hidden in plain sight.