As always, you are a bright and wonderful person with so much potential. I have ridden the same roller coaster of life that you have in so many ways.
I too had the same doubts, fears, and found myself seeking over and over again from partner to partner looking for the one thing I longed for. True love. The knight from the fairy tales.
All the times I tell you that we are indeed so much alike, I truly mean it. You should see my past dear one. The time when I was your age. The years that I journeyed a roamer, shy, yet friendly, getting used by guys who promised love but who only wanted me for their use. It stings and it hurts bad. It created most confusing feelings when one was already confused...
I cannot say how many things I have done, or people I was involved with in all those years of exploration and wandering about in my search and what I felt people would think of me for doing some of the things I did in that area. I have a feeling I can guess at to some of the things you wish to try but worry over. Don't fret over such things. They are normal thinkings that come along with being a wanderer and a wonderer. It is the curiosity of the burden bore of being someone so full of light. So sweet one do not think yourself lesser for thinking about what lies off the usual path.
I know its hard to think that each experience makes us a better person, but you do gain something from every interaction that you make. It is part of learning the human experience. An angel learning what the human experience is all about.
I know its not always easy. As I said before I know the roller coaster you are riding. It is part of my past. And, while I do regret somethings, over the years I have realized that these have been lessons that have formed and fashioned and continue to fashion me to this day. I feel I am the better for it.
And, as to true love. It is there, waiting, but sometimes the wait is long and finding it in youth is not always how it is going to be. Patience is a difficult virtue, but I have faith in you always.
You are, as always, too sweet. And probably right on some level I have yet to realize.
I have made a decision, though. I will not be ready on some level for a relationship until I am happier with myself. Until I come to accept parts of me that I do not like and have no desire to keep, but are there nonetheless.
So I am working on me. And trying so very hard to not care about what other people say even though I do. And trying to be more comfortable with certain conversations. And trying to be strong enough to change things that hurt me instead of worrying more about how someone else feels than how I feel. I know I do that. I had to deal with that two Sundays ago.
Confusion is not fun.
I feel very strongly about the fact that I will not allow myself to regret things I have done or what has happened in my past because it does make me who I am whether or not I like that person. I can wish on some level that they hadn't happened or happened the way that they did or whatever, but I am not allowed to regret it. Because if you change one thing not matter how small, you change everything.
I'm not so good with the whole patience thing. Not my strongest suit in relation to some things. But I am working on it as I am with so much else.
2 comments:
Dear one,
As always, you are a bright and wonderful person with so much potential. I have ridden the same roller coaster of life that you have in so many ways.
I too had the same doubts, fears, and found myself seeking over and over again from partner to partner looking for the one thing I longed for. True love. The knight from the fairy tales.
All the times I tell you that we are indeed so much alike, I truly mean it. You should see my past dear one. The time when I was your age. The years that I journeyed a roamer, shy, yet friendly, getting used by guys who promised love but who only wanted me for their use. It stings and it hurts bad. It created most confusing feelings when one was already confused...
I cannot say how many things I have done, or people I was involved with in all those years of exploration and wandering about in my search and what I felt people would think of me for doing some of the things I did in that area. I have a feeling I can guess at to some of the things you wish to try but worry over. Don't fret over such things. They are normal thinkings that come along with being a wanderer and a wonderer. It is the curiosity of the burden bore of being someone so full of light. So sweet one do not think yourself lesser for thinking about what lies off the usual path.
I know its hard to think that each experience makes us a better person, but you do gain something from every interaction that you make. It is part of learning the human experience. An angel learning what the human experience is all about.
I know its not always easy. As I said before I know the roller coaster you are riding. It is part of my past. And, while I do regret somethings, over the years I have realized that these have been lessons that have formed and fashioned and continue to fashion me to this day. I feel I am the better for it.
And, as to true love. It is there, waiting, but sometimes the wait is long and finding it in youth is not always how it is going to be. Patience is a difficult virtue, but I have faith in you always.
In love and light,
Krista
You are, as always, too sweet. And probably right on some level I have yet to realize.
I have made a decision, though. I will not be ready on some level for a relationship until I am happier with myself. Until I come to accept parts of me that I do not like and have no desire to keep, but are there nonetheless.
So I am working on me. And trying so very hard to not care about what other people say even though I do. And trying to be more comfortable with certain conversations. And trying to be strong enough to change things that hurt me instead of worrying more about how someone else feels than how I feel. I know I do that. I had to deal with that two Sundays ago.
Confusion is not fun.
I feel very strongly about the fact that I will not allow myself to regret things I have done or what has happened in my past because it does make me who I am whether or not I like that person. I can wish on some level that they hadn't happened or happened the way that they did or whatever, but I am not allowed to regret it. Because if you change one thing not matter how small, you change everything.
I'm not so good with the whole patience thing. Not my strongest suit in relation to some things. But I am working on it as I am with so much else.
Thank you.
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