Tug-o-War

Well. I am officially done figuring anything out in my life.

Last night, I went to Joel's for gaming after I got off of work.

I went in part because Andrew would be there.


I miss him...

A lot actually...


I don't even know what we are. A couple? Friends with benefits?

We acted like a couple, I think. That doesn't make us a couple though.

I just want something to work out. I want something to fall into place.

I want to not be confused. And I want to not hurt anyone when things do fall into place.

Obviously none of these things will ever happen.


I do know a few things.

One.
I miss Andrew.

Two.
Nothing about the way I feel for him has changed despite not getting to see him, having plans to see him get canceled, etc.

Three.
I like Kevin in some weird way. I do not know why.
Some of his habits remind me of a little of Andrew. Except that he has a job whereas Andrew does not.

Four.
Jason has just kind of disappeared out of my life in. My schedule keeps me from being online when he is. His does the same.
A sign maybe?

Five.
I kind of think I like a friend of mine who I have been helping deal with life in general.

Six.
I need to be shot. Honestly.
Because I can completely see something going terribly wrong in all of this. I can also see it getting worse. Neither of which I actually want to have happen, but both are likely.

Seven.
I may do everything in my power to try to get to go see Andrew tomorrow.
Just have to figure out how.