I have come to terms with it all. Every little bit of it.

To whom it may concern:

I have come to terms with it all. Every little bit of it.

I have no more tears to shed at your expense. I have not cried in days at your expense, simply because I have finished with that. I have cried, yes. Simply out of frustration from other aspects of life.

You know. I have realized that there was nothing ever really between us. You and I. We were nothing. Well. At least to you.

I wanted so badly to have what I have never had before. A loving relationship. I fooled myself into thinking that there was something more between us. I believed it. I felt it. I loved it. At least what I thought it was.

I loved you.

I still love you. BUT. It will never be more than what it is now simply because you are not ready for love. Because you do not want to be ready for love. You wouldn't know what to do with love anyway.

I broke up with someone for you. You never knew that. He never knew that. None of you will ever know that simply because you don't look at the resources available that would let you inside what you aren't told.

Well. It wasn't just for you. Things had not been good between us for a while. I grew tired of being my own company. So I broke it off with him, and he didn't speak to me for over a month.

I still love him.

I love him more than I have ever loved you. More than I ever loved what I thought you were and how you acted like you were.

You made my life hell and disguised it as happiness. I thought I was happy with you. There were glimpses, yes. There were downs. My Gods were there downs. The rest of what I thought was happiness was a dillusional lie.

All you seem to want out of someone is a warm body that you can play with. Not love. Toy with. Keep around when you want or need someone, but not be there when they want or need someone.


I have to thank you though. You have made me stronger through this. I now realize exactly how much you have hurt me and hurt my life. I realize exactly how badly you treated me.

No. You didn't hurt me physically. At least outside of slapping me that one time. But you hurt me mentally and emotionally. You exhausted me. And you never seemed to notice when I hurt. Not until you had to deal with it. Until I cried in front of you.

You never knew how many times I managed to keep it inside of me until I got to my car. I broke down so many times sitting out in front of your house.

It hurt.

But I am better because of it. I am stronger. I will never let someone treat me like you treated me.

You kept so much from me and dwelt on your ex-girlfriend so very often. I never knew about what Amanda was to you. I don't know what she sees in you anyway. But then again. You two suite each other.

To be in a polyamourist relationship or relationships, everyone involved should know about the others involved. And everyone involved should realize that they will all get hurt in the end.

This you too will realize one day.

And I will be here. Waiting. I am right more often than I care to be. And this is something that I will be right about. I can feel it.

Oh. And I would be careful in whatever you do. Karma is going to get you. You have so much bad karma built up....I wouldn't do anything else to hurt anyone else.

Karma is going to knock the shit out of you.

And I will be here. Waiting.

I will help you. But ask nothing more of me. For you will receive nothing more from me.

Love Always. Ever Watching. Always Present.
Christie.