Safety

I took a long shower this morning when I woke up. I needed it. To get the Mod Podge off of me from yesterday, but also to think.

I hate feeling like this.

See. I am not a very secure person in myself or in my relationships usually. I am always worried that whoever I am with will find someone else and just leave me crying and broken behind them.

I don't think that I am cute or pretty or beautiful or any of that. I don't. I don't think that I am all that smart.

I have low self-esteem and low self-confidence. It doesn't matter how I come across in person or in words. I have many insecurities about myself.

There are things that I am not comfortable with, and I came face to face with one of those yesterday. I am going to deal with it today, unless I chicken out which is always a possibility. I do that sometimes.

I have limits, and one of those was discovered last night.

Apparently I am a bit of a selfish girl when it comes to relationships and the person I am with. I don't like to share. I understand flirty, friends, etc. But I don't share. I am not the kind of girl to do that.

And I will fight for the person I am with, but only to the extent that they still want me. If they no longer desire me, I will go away. I will not push it. And I will be okay in the end.

I am not stupid. And I will not mess my life up over someone. But I care. And I fight. And I get hurt.