That up that I was on yesterday came crashing into the ground at an alarming rate today.
I had such a very bad day. I just wanted to cry.
My manager at work didn't realize just how bad a day I was having until I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deal with any more rude customers in the way that they would like. That I really just felt like curling up in the fetal position and crying. Then he realized and tried to send me home. I stayed through the church rush even though I would love to have left.
After I got off, I went to my car. Out of habit I called Joel. I didn't mean to. He doesn't have to or need to deal with my stuff. He kept telling me that it was okay to call him. I was crying while I talked to him. I couldn't help it.
Everything just fell apart, and the only thing I wanted was to be able to have his arms around me telling me that it would be okay.
Stupid fairy tale dreams.
I just want to be happy and loved. Apparently that is too much to ask for out of life. Thus I am not happy nor am I feeling very loved.
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3 comments:
Sends some more hugs her way and some tranquil and calming loving energies.
Oh, my dear. You *are* loved. I know that it's not the kind of love that you're craving right now, but it is the kind of love that will keep you from being totally alone at the edge of the universe. You matter to more people than you know; they have your back, and when you are able to look that edge-of-universe pain squarely in the eye and tell it to piss off, they will be there to catch you and hold you.
I have you two in my life. What more do I need?
Now if I can make myself feel that way, it would be excellent. ^.^
You two are way too good to me. Thank you both so very much.
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